Barre Center for Buddhist Studies https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/ Mon, 11 Aug 2025 15:51:47 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.2 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/favicon-32x32-1.png Barre Center for Buddhist Studies https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/ 32 32 Made With Mettā: Vegan Gluten-Free Coconut Cookies https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/made-with-metta-coconut-cookies/ Sun, 10 Aug 2025 19:31:53 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/made-with-metta-vegan-gado-gado-2/ Beloved by staff and yogis alike, this month’s Made with Mettā offering is Vegan Gluten-Free Coconut Cookies—crispy on the outside, soft in the middle, and made with plenty of love. Perfect alongside a cup of tea, they’re simple to make and always a hit. Try the recipe and bring a taste of BCBS home to […]

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Beloved by staff and yogis alike, this month’s Made with Mettā offering is Vegan Gluten-Free Coconut Cookies—crispy on the outside, soft in the middle, and made with plenty of love. Perfect alongside a cup of tea, they’re simple to make and always a hit. Try the recipe and bring a taste of BCBS home to your own kitchen.

 

Vegan Gluten-Free Coconut Cookies

 

Servings: 30

 

Download Printable PDF

 

Soft and chewy, these cookies deliver a triple dose of coconut flavor from coconut oil, coconut milk, and shredded coconut. The recipe is naturally gluten-free and vegan, but can be adapted for non-vegan baking by substituting one egg for the flax mixture.

 

Ingredients

  • 2 ¼ cups granulated sugar
  • ½ cup coconut oil, melted
  • ½ cup coconut milk
  • 1 ⅓ tablespoons vanilla extract (about 4 teaspoons)
  • 2 tablespoons flax meal (or 1 large egg, see note #2)
  • 6 tablespoons warm water (omit if using egg, see note #2)
  • 3 cups Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-Free Flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 ¼ cups shredded coconut
  • Pinch of salt

 

Instructions

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Line two baking sheets with parchment paper or lightly grease them.

2. Prepare the binder:

  • Vegan version: In a small bowl, combine the flax meal and warm water. Stir well and let sit for 15 minutes, until thickened.
  • Non-vegan version: Skip this step and use 1 large egg instead.

 

3. Mix wet ingredients: In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the melted coconut oil, sugar, coconut milk, and vanilla extract. Stir in the flax mixture (or egg).

4. Combine dry ingredients: In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, shredded coconut, and salt.

5. Make the dough: Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Stir until fully combined; the batter will be moist and fluffy.

6. Portion the cookies: Using a medium cookie scoop (about 1.5 ounces / 3½–4 tablespoons), drop the dough onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing about 2 inches apart. Gently press each mound to about ¾ inch thick.

7. Bake: Bake for 8–10 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown.

8. Cool: Let cookies cool on the baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

 

Baker’s Note: Add vegan mini chocolate chips or chopped macadamia nuts for an extra flavor boost.

 

Nutritional Information (per cookie, based on 30 cookies):
Calories: 191 | Carbohydrates: 28.4 g | Fat: 8.8 g | Protein: 1.1 g | Sugar: 16.8 g

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Caring for Our Refuge: Recent Campus Upgrades at BCBS https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/caring-for-our-refuge-recent-campus-upgrades-at-bcbs/ Sun, 10 Aug 2025 18:45:59 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1119310 Our campus is a beloved refuge for so many, and caring for it is one of the most meaningful ways we can honor the practice that happens here. Thanks to the incredible generosity of our supporters, we’ve completed a number of improvements this year—enhancing safety, comfort, and beauty, and making your time here even more […]

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Our campus is a beloved refuge for so many, and caring for it is one of the most meaningful ways we can honor the practice that happens here. Thanks to the incredible generosity of our supporters, we’ve completed a number of improvements this year—enhancing safety, comfort, and beauty, and making your time here even more enjoyable. Here’s a look at what’s new!

Roadwork Near the Cottages

We repaired and improved the roads near the cottages to make them safer for walking and to help prevent erosion. These upgrades ensure secure, steady access for both guests and staff in all seasons.

Dharma Hall Floor Refinished

The wooden floor of the Dharma Hall has been repaired and refinished, restoring its smooth surface, warmth, and shine for sitting, walking, and bowing during practice. This is a significant upgrade for both comfort and safety.

Repaved Sidewalks Around the Farmhouse and Dharma Hall

Newly repaved sidewalks make it easier and more comfortable to move between buildings, especially for those with mobility challenges. These improvements strengthen both safety and accessibility in the heart of campus.

New Commercial Washers and Dryers

We replaced our aging machines with high-efficiency Speed Queen washers and dryers, providing cleaner laundry, saving water, and improving efficiency for staff and working guests.

New Parking Lot Entrance/Exit

A new entry and exit point has been added off Forest Refuge Road, reducing traffic in front of the Dharma Hall and making arrivals and departures smoother and more peaceful for everyone.

Insight Dialogue Grove Completed

The Insight Dialogue Grove was completed with the planting of 1,200 small groundcover plants, creating a lush, welcoming space for contemplation and connection.

Blue Spruce Planted in Memory of Jack Engler

A beautiful blue spruce now stands outside the Dharma Hall, planted by Renee DeYeo in honor of her late husband, Jack Engler, who was instrumental in the founding of BCBS.

Looking Ahead

All of this was possible because of the generosity of our donors—thank you. Each project is another way of caring for this refuge, so it can continue to welcome and support everyone who comes here to study and practice. If you’d like to help with future improvements, you can make a gift to support campus upgrades and keep BCBS strong for years to come.

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From Working Guest to Cook: Welcoming Sarah Oliver to BCBS https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/from-working-guest-to-cook-welcoming-sarah-oliver-to-bcbs/ Sun, 10 Aug 2025 18:03:49 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1119308 We’re delighted to introduce Sarah Oliver, who recently joined the BCBS staff as a cook after previously serving as a Working Guest. In this conversation, Sarah shares what drew her to BCBS, how her practice is evolving, and what she loves most about cooking in a retreat setting. 1) What first brought you to BCBS […]

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We’re delighted to introduce Sarah Oliver, who recently joined the BCBS staff as a cook after previously serving as a Working Guest. In this conversation, Sarah shares what drew her to BCBS, how her practice is evolving, and what she loves most about cooking in a retreat setting.




1) What first brought you to BCBS as a Working Guest?

I wanted to deepen my practice (again), build Dharma-centered relationships, and explore living in a retreat setting. Connecting with Brett, April, and the rest of the crew beforehand confirmed that I was heading in a fun and skillful direction.

2) What has it been like transitioning from a Working Guest to a staff member?

It’s been mostly joyful—and, like any move to a place I’ve idealized, a bit complex. I’ve had to come to terms with my projections and then trust the deeper current that brought me here. Cooking is intense work, so my mornings are less spacious for formal practice, but the work itself—and my daily connections with coworkers, teachers, and yogis—has become the heart of a richer, more connected practice. I’m finding my rhythm and look forward to balancing both.

3) What do you enjoy most about cooking in a retreat setting? What’s your favorite dish to prepare?

I love the quiet moments—waiting to serve Bhante, or just before meals go out. I treasure the precious Dharma chats with coworkers while peeling carrots or drying dishes. I love hearing laughter and conversation in the dining room, knowing I had a part in supporting those moments. Favorites? Sage Beans, GFV Coconut Cookies, and just about anything involving crispy tofu!

4) How has being at BCBS shaped or supported your personal journey?

I was first supported here as a yogi in the 2017 Nalanda program—a rich, challenging experience that gave structure to my previously fuzzy notions about Buddhism and practice. Later, as a working guest, I attended retreats and classes that introduced me to Dharma teachers and Buddhist thinkers I might never have explored otherwise, like Rita Gross, Bhikkhu Analayo, Stephen Batchelor, and Matty Weingast.

In 2024, BCBS hosted its first LGBTQI retreat, with Madeline Klyne teaching and Jen Zee supporting. That retreat confirmed for me that there’s a place for me in this tradition—and that I don’t have to leave any part of myself outside when I bow into the Dharma Hall. With deep gratitude, I’d say BCBS has given me a spiritual home and tools to open, soften, and stretch my heart.

5) What do you enjoy doing when you’re not cooking or working?

I love visiting friends and going on outings. Museums, bookstores, and vegan restaurants are regular stops—but if you’re looking for me on a Friday night, you might find me at Amherst Cinema.

6) Is there anything you’re looking forward to or hoping to explore in your time at BCBS?

So many things—it’s a little overwhelming, in the best way. I’m giving myself time to settle in and sense what’s most skillful for me. I have my eye on the Women in the Buddha’s Life: Reading Together Part 2 online class in September, as well as some of Bhikkhu Analayo’s recorded offerings. I’m also excited to see how our staff Sangha grows over the next year, and I’m curious about exploring a retreat at the Wonderwell Mountain Refuge.

 


 

Please join us in warmly welcoming Sarah to her new role, and be sure to say hello when you see her on campus—you might even hear about her favorite recipes or join her in a Dharma chat over a cutting board.

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Growing with BCBS: April Pellegrino Gustafson’s New Role at BCBS https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/growing-with-bcbs-april-pellegrino-gustafsons-new-role-at-bcbs/ Sun, 10 Aug 2025 17:45:57 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1119304 We’re excited to share that April Pellegrino Gustafson has stepped into the role of Communications & Administrative Assistant at BCBS! April recently celebrated her four-year anniversary with us—and in that time, she’s become a beloved part of our community. Whether she’s helping yogis, supporting staff, or simply showing up with her steady presence and kind […]

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We’re excited to share that April Pellegrino Gustafson has stepped into the role of Communications & Administrative Assistant at BCBS!

April recently celebrated her four-year anniversary with us—and in that time, she’s become a beloved part of our community. Whether she’s helping yogis, supporting staff, or simply showing up with her steady presence and kind smile, April brings care, warmth, and heart to everything she does.

She’s made a big impact behind the scenes—preparing the Dharma Hall, farmhouse, and yogi rooms to feel attuned, comfortable, and welcoming for everyone who visits. April managed the installation of our hybrid system, allowing us to offer hybrid retreats and expand access to study and practice for those who cannot be here in person. She’s taken on leadership of the Working Guest Program, a vital and much-loved part of BCBS, and will continue to manage it in her new role.

During the hiring process, April stood out for her thoughtfulness, humility, and deep connection to the BCBS mission. It was clear to all of us that this role was the right fit—and we’re so glad she said yes.

As April shared:

“I’ve grown so much during my time at BCBS, and I’m really honored to serve this community in a new way!”

She’ll fully transition into the position after finishing training her successor (who we’ll introduce in a future edition of Sangha News).

If you see her around, we hope you’ll join us in celebrating this next chapter. We’re deeply grateful for everything April brings to BCBS—and so happy she’ll continue to share her gifts in this new role.

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Finding Home at BCBS: A Message from Melissa Gopnik https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/finding-home-at-bcbs-a-message-from-melissa-gopnik/ Fri, 08 Aug 2025 20:40:49 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1119280 Dear Friends, Have you ever walked into a place for the first time and just felt at home? That’s how it was for me when I first came to the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. From my earliest days spent on retreat, to conversations with the staff and board, to walking the campus and sensing […]

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Dear Friends,

Have you ever walked into a place for the first time and just felt at home?

That’s how it was for me when I first came to the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. From my earliest days spent on retreat, to conversations with the staff and board, to walking the campus and sensing the quiet refuge of the land, I felt something rare and precious: a place to grow and a place of belonging.

I feel incredibly fortunate to be joining BCBS as Executive Director. It’s such a gift—to be part of a community so deeply rooted in the Dharma, and to help steward this beautiful space of study, practice, and spiritual friendship.

I want to offer my deep thanks to Rick Henning, whose leadership over the past nine years has guided BCBS through meaningful growth and change. I’m grateful for the strong foundation he leaves behind—and for the warm welcome he’s offered during this transition.

For more than 25 years, I’ve practiced mostly in the Insight tradition. I’ve spent longer working in nonprofit leadership—supporting staff, building systems, growing financial sustainability, and guiding organizations through transition and change. This new role weaves together two threads of my life in a way that feels both natural and deeply meaningful.

I’m looking forward to getting to know each of you. Over these first few months, I’ll be listening closely: to the wisdom of those who’ve shaped BCBS, to the hopes and needs of our community, and to what this moment is asking of us. My goal is to support our staff, teachers, and all of you in making BCBS a sustainable home for Dharma, heartfelt connection, and transformation.

I’d love to hear from each of you about your hopes and aspirations for BCBS. Please reach out to me at melissag@buddhistinquiry.org or stop by and say hi the next time you are on campus. 

Melissa Gopnik
Executive Director
Barre Center for Buddhist Studies

P.S. When Melissa isn’t working, you’ll likely find her adventuring with her husband and daughter—whether it’s hiking, tandem biking, enjoying ice cream, or traveling (like their recent trip to Finland). Scroll down for a few snapshots from her life outside of BCBS

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The Tender Work of Love https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/the-tender-work-of-love/ Wed, 04 Jun 2025 21:38:35 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1008755 The Tender Work of Love Exploring Love through the Eyes of Buddhism and Psychotherapy with Pilar Jennings Love is one of the most essential forces in human life. And yet, despite its centrality, love is rarely examined with the care it deserves. It can be difficult to define, harder still to embody—especially when shaped by […]

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The Tender Work of Love

Exploring Love through the Eyes of Buddhism and Psychotherapy with Pilar Jennings

Love is one of the most essential forces in human life. And yet, despite its centrality, love is rarely examined with the care it deserves. It can be difficult to define, harder still to embody—especially when shaped by early wounds, unmet needs, or spiritual ideals that may not reflect the complexities of real relationship.

This July, Dr. Pilar Jennings returns to BCBS to guide a yearlong Path Program exploring love as both a spiritual practice and a psychological healing process. Titled Love in Buddhism & Psychotherapy: A Contemplative and Clinical Exploration, this immersive program offers participants a chance to study love not just as a feeling, but as a path of liberation and care.

The program unfolds through three in-person retreats and monthly Zoom gatherings, creating an intimate rhythm of deep retreat and ongoing connection. “We’ll reconnect, nurture our sense of community, review teachings, and deepen our practice,” Pilar shares in a short video recorded for the program. “I’m especially excited about this course, given the pervasive longing to feel, offer, and of course, receive more love—especially in a time when love can so easily get camouflaged by acute stress, anger, and fear.”

“Our primary nature is informed by a deep well of love that merely needs methods to stay in conscious connection with.”
— Dr. Pilar Jennings

For clinicians, this course opens a space to reflect on the therapeutic nature of love—how it arises in the clinical encounter, how to hold it ethically, and how it can support deep healing. Topics include the therapist’s experience of love for the patient, the patient’s longing to be loved, and the subtle balance between affective connection and healthy boundaries.

For meditators, the journey is equally profound. Participants will explore the spiritual challenges of authentic love: how to love with fewer unconscious conditions, how love and equanimity inform one another, and how Buddhist wisdom teachings illuminate the path of healing in relationship.

Pilar describes the program as a shared inquiry into love in its many forms—between parents and children, teachers and students, romantic partners and spiritual friends. Together, participants will explore how both Buddhism and psychotherapy understand the human longing to love and be loved, and how that longing can be met with wisdom and care. “We’ll practice some of the most effective Buddhist methods for coming to experience ourselves and others as reliable sources of love,” Pilar says, “backed by respect and tolerance for difference.”

Those who’ve sat with Pilar before speak of her presence as healing in itself. One past participant wrote, “Pilar connects individually as well as with the group, leaving her students changed for the better and nourished to face their struggles.” Another reflected, “This retreat brought me out of my selfish struggles and into a more directed practice.”

And others echo the same depth of appreciation:

“Pilar was magnificent… the course was dense with material, but well worth it.”

“It reminded me of the power and healing aspects of psychotherapy and Buddhist practices.”

“I felt rejuvenated, grounded, and deeply connected to myself and others.”

The program is open to all—clinicians, meditators, and anyone sincerely curious about love as a path of transformation. No prior experience is required. Just a willingness to show up with your full humanity.

Watch a short message from Pilar Jennings about the program:

 

 

Learn More: https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/love-in-buddhism/

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Made with Mettā: Vegan Gado Gado https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/made-with-metta-vegan-gado-gado/ Mon, 02 Jun 2025 15:24:27 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1000252 This month’s Made with Mettā offering brings the vibrant, nourishing flavors of Indonesia to your kitchen with a vegan twist on gado gado—a beloved mixed vegetable salad served with a rich, tangy peanut sauce. Grounded in the values of care, simplicity, and connection, this dish invites you to practice mettā through mindful cooking and joyful […]

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This month’s Made with Mettā offering brings the vibrant, nourishing flavors of Indonesia to your kitchen with a vegan twist on gado gado—a beloved mixed vegetable salad served with a rich, tangy peanut sauce. Grounded in the values of care, simplicity, and connection, this dish invites you to practice mettā through mindful cooking and joyful sharing. Whether you’re preparing it for yourself or offering it to a friend, may this recipe nourish both body and heart.

Download Printable PDF

Gado Gado Tofu

Servings: 6

Vegan optional | Serve with basmati or brown rice

 

Marinated Tofu

Ingredients:

  • 2¼ lbs firm tofu, cubed

 

Marinade:

  • 2 tbsp tamari
  • 1 tbsp sesame oil
  • 1 tbsp garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp ginger, grated
  • 1 tbsp honey (or agave for vegan option)
  • Chopped cilantro, for garnish

 

Instructions:

  • In a saucepan, combine all marinade ingredients and bring to a brief boil. Remove from heat.
  • Place tofu cubes in a large bowl and toss with the marinade. Let marinate for at least 1 hour.
  • Drain tofu and arrange on parchment-lined baking sheets.
  • Bake at 375°F for 30–45 minutes, turning occasionally, until crisp and golden.
  • Keep warm until serving. Garnish with chopped cilantro just before serving.

 

Gado Gado Sauce

Ingredients:

  • 4 oz onion, diced
  • 2 tbsp ginger, grated
  • 1 tbsp garlic, minced
  • 6 tbsp peanut butter
  • 1 tbsp tamari
  • 1 tbsp molasses
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice (bottled is fine)
  • ⅛ tsp white pepper
  • 1 cup coconut milk
  • 1 tsp chili flakes (adjust to taste)

 

Instructions:

  • Sauté onions in a small amount of olive oil over medium heat until soft.
  • Add ginger and garlic, cooking for another 2–3 minutes.
  • Stir in peanut butter, tamari, molasses, lemon juice, and white pepper.
  • Add coconut milk and chili flakes. Stir until smooth and heated through.
  • Blend if desired for a smoother texture. Thin with water as needed. Keep warm until serving.

 

Side Vegetables

Ingredients:

  • ⅔ lb carrots
  • ⅔ lb cauliflower
  • ⅔ lb broccoli

 

Instructions:

  • Steam or roast vegetables until tender.
  • Serve warm alongside tofu and rice.

 

To Serve

  • Serve baked tofu garnished with cilantro in a large dish.
  • Offer sauce on the side in small bowls or ladles.
  • Pair with steamed basmati or brown rice and side vegetables.

 

Nutrition (per serving):

219 Calories | 12g Fat | 16g Protein | 17g Carbohydrate | 6g Fiber | 0mg Cholesterol | 52mg Sodium

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Help Us Build a Network of Partners for Mindful Climate Action https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/help-us-build-a-network-of-partners-for-mindful-climate-action/ Mon, 02 Jun 2025 15:04:44 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1000219 As part of our new Global Awareness Local Action (GALA) initiative, BCBS is building a network of support for Dharma practitioners committed to compassionate climate engagement. This fall, GALA participants will join small groups—organized by geography or shared interests—to explore how Buddhist ethics can guide wise, grounded responses to the climate crisis. To support these […]

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As part of our new Global Awareness Local Action (GALA) initiative, BCBS is building a network of support for Dharma practitioners committed to compassionate climate engagement. This fall, GALA participants will join small groups—organized by geography or shared interests—to explore how Buddhist ethics can guide wise, grounded responses to the climate crisis.

To support these groups, we’re seeking to partner with environmental organizations and others working toward a more just and sustainable world. Beginning this fall and continuing into 2026, we plan to offer a series of online workshops to equip participants with the tools, inspiration, and support needed to bring their practice into action.

Do you know someone doing this work—or are you connected to an organization we should speak with?

We’d love your help. Please email GALA Program Manager Kristie Rudolph at kristier@buddhistinquiry.org with a brief introduction. Your connection could help nourish a global community of mindful changemakers.

This work is rooted in our BCBS Commitment to Environmental Practices and reflects our aspiration to meet the world’s suffering with wisdom, clarity, and care.

If you haven’t yet, we also invite you to register for the GALA program—a freely offered, eight-week online course featuring teachings from Bhikkhu Anālayo, Rhonda Magee, Rebecca Henderson, and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Thank you for helping us bring the Dharma to life in these urgent times.

Global Awareness Local Action (GALA)

Join the BCBS Global Awareness Local Action (GALA) program, a freely offered initiative exploring climate change through Buddhist teachings and mindfulness.

Grounded in the idea that Buddhist ethics calls on us to mitigate and adapt to climate change, the GALA program will share practices, conceptual frameworks, and workshops to support participants in mindful and skillful engagement in a world with a rapidly changing climate. Participants will also have an opportunity to join small groups based on geography and/or common interests to support each other in becoming more engaged in mindful climate activism.

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Bringing Mindfulness into the Therapy Room: A Clinician Reflects on the IMP Certificate Program https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/bringing-mindfulness-into-the-therapy-room-a-clinician-reflects-on-the-imp-certificate-program/ Mon, 02 Jun 2025 14:52:10 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=1000155 What happens when therapists commit to their own mindfulness practice—not just for their clients, but for themselves? In a new video testimonial, Mollie German, LCMHC, ATR-BC, shares how her personal and professional life transformed through the Certificate Program in Mindfulness & Psychotherapy, offered by the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy in collaboration with BCBS. “What […]

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What happens when therapists commit to their own mindfulness practice—not just for their clients, but for themselves?

In a new video testimonial, Mollie German, LCMHC, ATR-BC, shares how her personal and professional life transformed through the Certificate Program in Mindfulness & Psychotherapy, offered by the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy in collaboration with BCBS.

“What first drew me to the program was the desire to spend time with people who were both meditators and clinicians—to learn from them and share space with them.”

Throughout the yearlong program, participants join monthly online meetings and attend two retreats, which can be joined either online or in person at BCBS. Taught by an experienced faculty of meditation teachers and clinicians, the curriculum weaves together Buddhist psychology, mindfulness meditation, and psychodynamic understanding.

“I was told we would develop a sangha over the year—and honestly, I was skeptical. But it truly unfolded that way. The friendships and Dharma camaraderie that grew during the program were profoundly impactful.”

Mollie describes how the program supported both her inner life and her clinical presence:

“My meditation practice has deepened and become infused with more self-compassion. And in my work with clients, I now feel more ease and clarity around how and when to bring mindfulness into the room. My practice really supports my work in a tangible way.”

She closes with heartfelt appreciation for the faculty:

“The teachers—both clinicians and meditation teachers—are wonderful people to learn from. If you’re curious about integrating mindfulness into your clinical work, I’d encourage you to apply.”

To learn more about the program, visit:

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Wise Speech: A Path for These Times by Oren Jay Sofer https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/blog/wise-speech-a-path-for-these-times-bcbs/ Fri, 09 May 2025 14:13:22 +0000 https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/?p=911837 BCBS warmly invites you to join us for a six-week donation-based online course with Oren Jay Sofer this summer, Wise Speech: An Introduction to Mindful Communication, on Tuesdays starting June 3. Wise Speech: A Path for These Times by Oren Jay Sofer Our toddler swings at me for what is probably the tenth time in […]

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BCBS warmly invites you to join us for a six-week donation-based online course with Oren Jay Sofer this summer, Wise Speech: An Introduction to Mindful Communication, on Tuesdays starting June 3.

Wise Speech: A Path for These Times

by Oren Jay Sofer

Our toddler swings at me for what is probably the tenth time in a row. I take a deep breath. “Are you mad? I won’t let you hit me—do you want to hit the pillow?” The heaviness of the headlines fades as my world narrows to this one interaction with my son, who I love with all my heart, yet who pushes me to my limit in moments like these.

Some days, it’s hard to say what’s more challenging: the dizzying pace of change and collective pain we’re living through, or raising two small children under the age of three. (Honestly, most days it’s parenting.)

Communication is where practice meets real life. There’s a reason the Buddha singled out “Right Speech” in the Noble Eightfold Path. Words are powerful. They can heal or hurt, soothe or enflame, unite or divide. Communication is hard. It’s messy. And for all of these reasons, it’s also a ground for deep transformation—if we’re willing to take it on as a practice.

The Gap Between Insight and Speech

I first noticed the gap between my formal meditation and my communication in my twenties, while working as a cook for retreats at the Insight Meditation Society. Though I wasn’t touching profound insight or bliss on the cushion, I was enjoying some peace and calm, along with the uplifted warmth of wishing all beings be well.

How quickly that tranquility evaporated when conflict arose: a fellow cook steamed the broccoli longer than I liked; a team decision didn’t go my way. My heartfelt aspirations were even less accessible when talking to my family.

The Buddha offered inspiring teachings on Wise Speech, but little technical guidance on how to implement them. Meditation cultivates insight into change and suffering, but without a method, those insights don’t always translate into our conversations.

Bringing Speech into Practice

During this same period, I came across the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, a psychologist who developed Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—a rigorous awareness practice that uses speech as the arena for transforming consciousness. NVC invites us to shift from default habits of control to principles of collaboration, compassion, and generosity.

NVC offered practical tools to embody the deeper intentions of Wise Speech. Rosenberg’s approach trains us to distinguish between direct observations and the interpretations we add, to take more responsibility for our emotional reactions, and to transform our relationship with deeper needs—so we can respond with greater compassion and care.

As I practiced, I saw shifts in my relationships, felt more agency, and discovered more tenderness for myself. Speech became a daily field of practice: not just two, 45-minute sessions on the cushion, but many hours a day. Now, when I feel defensiveness rising in a conversation with my wife, if I pause and get curious, I can better understand her needs and perspective while staying connected to my own.

Practicing Wise Speech involves more than what we say. It includes when, how, and why we speak. It includes how we listen. It invites us to examine our motivations and develop discernment. It cuts to the heart of our sense of self—our feelings, needs, and attachment to being right.

In communication practice, we expand mindfulness beyond the narrow domain of internal experience to truly include others—what the Buddha called being mindful “internally, externally, and both internally and externally.” We enter the complexity of relationship, with all its positionality, power, and embedded histories. And we cultivate wholesome qualities: humility, honesty, patience, fierce truth-telling married with genuine kindness.

A Practice for our Time

This training extends beyond close relationships. Wise Speech is a vital resource for staying human in times of injustice, disinformation, and division. In the face of systemic violence—from mass incarceration to deportations to the ongoing horrors in Gaza—our words can perpetuate harm or help interrupt it. They can bridge difference, restore dignity, and help us metabolize what feels unbearable.

In moments like these, when so many remain silent in the face of unspeakable brutality, choosing to speak can be an act of conscience—and a way to affirm our shared humanity.

While speech alone can’t mend all that’s broken in our world, it plays a vital role in how we engage, repair, and reimagine together. I think of courageous individuals speaking out under pressure—from judges striving to uphold integrity in the courts, to climate scientists affirming the truth, to activists naming harm with clarity and compassion.

Communication becomes a powerful site of practice: Are we adding to fear and despair, or creating space for understanding, integrity, and truth? Even amidst conflict or collapse, the way we speak can be a refuge, a bridge, a seed of something new.

Three Tools for the Path

At the same time, all of this can feel daunting. Communication habits run deep. But the good news is, it’s entirely possible to shift these habits, one step at a time. As the Buddha said of Right Effort, “If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”

There are many ways to practice Wise Speech. Whether you’re just starting out or looking to go deeper, here are three tools to guide and grow with you.

  1. Lead with presence: Before talking about what happened, how you feel, or what you need—can you simply show up? To find clarity and connection, we need to be here. Without presence, we lose access to our tools or best intentions. Experiment with what helps you be more present in conversation: a breath, a pause, slowing your pace. What shifts when you’re more here?
  2. Come from curiosity and care: The Buddha emphasized the importance of motivation. Where are you coming from in conversation? Habitual impulses to be right, blame, or defend? Real dialogue rests on the quality of understanding and connection we create. What would it be like to root yourself in good will and get curious? Curiosity softens reactivity and opens the door to insight. Let go of the outcome a little, and take sincere interest in the other’s experience.
  3. Root your speech in ethics: The Buddha encouraged us to speak that which is true, useful, kind, and timely. Take time to reflect on these guidelines. What are your strengths? What needs development? What’s the deepest truth you know about this situation? Can you acknowledge what you don’t know? Kindness doesn’t mean being passive or condoning harm—it means refusing to let the heart be poisoned by hate. And always consider context—from time and place to power and positionality.

Integrating these principles takes dedication and patience. But even one small shift can change the trajectory of your life and relationships.

When my toddler covers his mouth and refuses to brush his teeth, I try to pause, breathe, and connect. Sometimes I meet him with empathy, sometimes with play, making up a silly song. Either way, I’m training. This is the path. Speech is where our practice comes alive.

If you’d like to learn more, join me for my six-week donation-based online course, Wise Speech: An Introduction to Mindful Communication, which starts on Tuesday June 3rd.

With care,

Oren

The post Wise Speech: A Path for These Times by Oren Jay Sofer appeared first on Barre Center for Buddhist Studies.

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